Remedial Stunting 101

We're working on a new rule for Skull&Poems that requires members to have at least one run-in with the Law during the writing process. For more on this, consult the American Music reader for a pretty entertaining story about how Josh, Jordan, and Jesse were run out of Tennessee.

In the course of the last month and a half, I have driven a little over 3,000 miles on highways through the Midwest, Southwest, and Pacific Northwest in what retrospect is sure to paint as a foolish, juvenile attempt to find myself. As I've been traveling, I've been writing toward a chapbook of my work tentatively titled Snugglekitty & Other Bedtime Stories. This sets up a loose parallel between myself and the American Music boys but with fewer amusing anecdotes.

Home-based in Arizona, the car I drive reflects the frontier spirit of the Grand Canyon state with its dark, tinted windows and only one license plate on the back. I've since been told that most states (and, by most, I mean the ones I have resided in) frown on tints as dark as mine and require a front license plate. I drove my car for a year in Minnesota and never had a problem since, I assume, the cops had more important things to worry about than to tell an out-of-state college student that his car looks like it might have a gun in it.

Then I came to Oregon and it is here that the anti-climactic, only mildly interesting story begins. If you've made it this far, well, you are more invested in this entry than I am. Driving to Target, I was pulled over by one of Oregon's finest. He told me that he pulled me over because he initially thought I was an Oregon vehicle and did I know that tints as dark as mine aren't okay here and did I know I needed a license plate on the front of my car and what was my business in this area anyway? Perhaps growing up in Eugene gives me an Oregonian look so I should have known better. We spent four or five minutes establishing that, no, I am not an Oregonian, I'm not employed in Oregon, and I hadn't really broken any laws. He seemed suspicious that I was "visiting my mom for a while" and asked what that meant. I watch a lot of Law & Order and am not sure I had to answer that but why make things more awkward? And then he drove off and I drove off and that was that.

Now, if I was a more interesting person, this would have led to my being asked to leave the state of Oregon or, if nothing else, detained down at the station while they ran my name and license plate for outstanding warrants. Maybe they would find out about the unpaid parking ticket issued in St. Paul this September and then it would all be over. Alas, it did not go this way so Snugglekitty & Other Bedtime Stories will not have an entirely true story about being run out of Oregon.

It will, however, have a wealth of other, more interesting, and completely true stories about my life and experiences. Have I ever told you why I don't date Asian girls anymore?